Leave all your Loving Behinde

I babysat the skies with my eyes glued to the clouds like
I wanted to see where jet trails disappeared to
I wondered more about darkness than I wondered about the boogie man
I was ten years old.
My knees were like oak wood
Rivets as deep as the pacific
I dreaded birthdays and thought raccoons were Jesus in another life
I couldn’t figure out how to sit still.
My father made spider webs for a living
He caught every bad thing coming his way
My brother got lost for awhile
Some days I think he comes home. But sits so silent we never felt him close.
I’m still learning to sit still
I was ten years old and Baptized into uncertainty
I thought my hands were invincible.
I know now that they’re not.
The best things in life crumble…so we can see how they recollect.
I’m still collecting tinfoil candy wrappers from my sock drawer
I thought I was an artist. I was going to make a tower
Maybe this one would stay
Maybe this one would be strong.
I’m still learning to be strong.
I am seventeen years old.
I write poems instead of essays
I still think my sister is a princess
I could stay underwater for the rest of my life
If only I believed in heaven.
Some days I wish I believed in something.
I was ten years old I learned to stay strong
Some days, I’m still learning.